Sugar, Sugar

Last week I started working out with a trainer and I think it's already starting to pay off. My blood sugar has been out of control and none of the medicine has helped. I felt that weight training would help along with cardio. In the last week my blood sugar went from 523 to 109 this morning! The medicine is playing its past but most of that has to be the workouts. I've been on the medicine without the workouts and the numbers were still high.

Back to work

Today was a better day. I sent back to work and it was cray cray but at least it's something that I can do well. My blood sugar was down today as well so that is a good sign.

Defeated and Depleted

I'm going to break with the intention of this blog briefly because as I said yesterday I feel like I'm being swallowed by a black hole. I see now that I dismissed the warnings on my trip. I had an unrealistic expectation. I was so looking forward to a week off of work. People had said but it's a lot of driving. I was like oh I won't be driving all that much. There are three drivers. Right, what I learned is whom ever owns the car will be the primary driver.

My expectation, the thing that kept me going, was I was going to be able to rest and recharge. I feel more depleted and more defeated then before vacation.  I'm so tired. I just want to curl up in bed and never have to get up.

I had incorrect expectations. I may have taken days of but it wasn't a rest and relax trip. It was a Spartan trip. Two opposing purposes.

The Black Hole

It's hard to commit to anything when I don't even want to commit to life. I feel that black hole life sucking feeling. I don't want to be around anyone. I don't want to get up. I just want to sleep forever. It takes to much energy to want anything else.

Back on track

It's been a week since I last posted. I'm not giving up on my goal. I knew this wouldn't be easy. It's very hard for me to stay present but I'm back on track starting right now.

Going through the motions

Is there a difference between commitment and going through the motions. I've been honoring my commitment but I don't feel like I'm putting in enough effort.

Maybe this is my perfectionist tendencies showing. I'm doing what I said I was going to do. Shouldn't that be good enough?

High Hopes

I had high hopes that my new medicine was going to work. Apparently it was only working because I incorrectly paired it with another insulin. Numbers are back up around 500. I'm feeling so dejected.

On another note is did my pick four today. I was pissed that I had to do it but I think that has more to do with my mood about the medicine. Today is one of those days where life is too hard, I don't want to do it anymore.

Today is one of those days that I want to check out and give up.

Forgot to post

Thought about posting and forgot to post last night.

Purge 1 Box

I was a little ambitious on my pick four today.

If you notice I have purge 1 box. The last few days I've had pick up 10 items, which is totally not overwhelming. I saw purge 1 box and my heart sunk. I was complaining to my sister that I did that to myself, then I looked next to me and smiled.

One box. One empty Amazon box. Ha! It counts! It totally counts. I didn't say I had to purge the contents of the box, just one box. I know you might call me a cheater but what if I told you that box had been sitting there for at least two weeks? Inertia.

I'm so happy I kept my word and got my way.

Feeling Lazy Already but Commitment Honored

I didn't expect for my motivation to wane a few short days into my year long commitment. It's hard to be mindful and present. I've still stuck with my commitments so that's good. It has made me be more present to feelings vs integrity.

I wanted to be lazy and do nothing today and I wanted to keep my integrity in check. Feelings pass and build on each other. If I would have given into my lazy feeling today, it would have been easier to give in tomorrow.

I still have to swim but everything else is done.

For Integrity

Not feeling a post tonight but I committed to a post every day. Meds? ✅ My Pick 4? ✅

Committed? Absolutely!

The Lazy Person's Guide to Productivity

"They" say variety is the spice of life and My Pick Four is my commitment spice. I've made a commitment to write out and complete four things of my choosing each and every day. I get to mix things up and be as ambitious or lazy as I want.

This came from my readings from minimalist pages. The concept is to do a few things every day and watch your productivity explode. Much to my surprise it actually works. I get far more done by completed a few tasks than I do when I try to do a lot of tasks.

I was told my problem of not getting things done is inertia. The Oxford Dictionary definition Inertia as, "a tendency to do nothing or to remain unchanged" I actually prefer the physics definition also by the Oxford Dictionary, "A property of matter by which it continues in its existing state of rest or uniform motion in a straight line, unless that state is changed by an external force."

I think the physics definition explains why my pick four works. Writing something down is an external action. It's the force I need to propel me to action, thus altering my state of rest.

It is actually perfect for me. I wake up and decide if I'm feeling ambitious or not...and I'm usually not. Today, I was feeling the weight of my inertia, so my choices were based on what I could accomplish without much energy. Yet somehow grocery shopping ended up on my list.

I'll admit grocery shopping was way ambitious for me. I have not turned on the stove since before April. Yes today is June 10th. Not much need for when I'm not cooking. My bar is so low that the simple act of going to the  store is the  bar.

I'm telling you the inertia is strong in me. When it comes to taking care of my personal life, I don't adult.... and yes I find myself ridiculous. Cooking, cleaning, exercise, eating right, taking my medicine? Maybe tomorrow.

Really these are not hard things! I choose the much harder path of least resistance. Seriously! How much easier would my life be if I managed my life?

It's okay because this is why I chose to take the commitment plunge. My pick four is my way of starting to manage my life, on my terms. You could say my pick four is the lazy person's guide to productivity - if only I could stick to it.

The Commitment Plunge

I've had this question rolling around in my head for months: How far can I go if I can just commit to four things every day for one year?


The first thing you should know about me is that I do NOT like commitment.  I've run from it my entire life.  The second thing you should know about me is that I LOVE the idea of minimalism.  Minimalism to me is a way of life. You only keep things in your life that bring you joy and that you need.  One thing in my life that does not serve me well is my lack of commitment or lack of self discipline.  When I embrace the minimalist life style I started feeling how chaotic my life is.  Through purging things and people from my life that no longer brought me joy I began to feel a spark of freedom in my soul.


I want to purge chaos and I want to know the freedom that comes with discipline.  I know it sounds crazy that discipline equals freedom for me but it really does.


My four commitments are:

1. Blogging every single day
2. Taking my medicine daily
3. Writing and completing my pick 4 list.  This is where my tendencies come into play. I hate commitment.  So I'm choosing to pick 4 things that I would like to accomplish every single day but I'm giving myself the freedom to choose what I do every single day.
4. My private resolution.  I've read and re-read a great book called 'Better Than Before' that basically helps you break down your tendencies and come of with strategies to make your life better than before.  I learned that I'm a private resolver.  Meaning when I declare something to the world it means I'm less likely to do it.  This is the big one. The one I have the greatest chance of failing at so I'm keeping it all to myself.  I'm also not making it a daily goal but a goal to accomplish within the next year.

You might think that I just set myself up for failure by declaring my goals but I don't think I did.  I structured my goals in a way that, in the course of the year, overcome my aversion to being held accountable for what I tell myself I'm going to do, giving myself freedom to choose my commitments daily, and keeping a goal just for me.


Today is June 9, 2016 - Day One


To know how far I've gone, I first need to document where I at today. The truth is hard but I'm going to tell it - the good, bad, and ugly.


The Good


I'm comfortable with who I am as a person. This is a new development for me but one that has stuck for the last 9 months. I'm no longer overly concerned with whether people like me. Honestly if they can't accept me for who I am, I don't need them in my life.  Before I would have bent over backwards to be accepted.


I don't feel depressed anymore. Despite all the things that have gone wrong over the last year I've pretty much been able to go with the flow.


The Bad


I'm much better about taking my medicine but I'm not great at it.  I don't test my blood sugar or blood pressure like I should and I resist taking pills. I still resist cooking. Despite all the ugly in my life I still choose the path of least resistance. 


The Ugly


My health is very poor.  I don't exercise regularly (which is a complete and totally reversal of what I was doing).  My current weight is 376.6 pounds.  My blood pressure is 160/100. It's been stroke level high in several times in the last year.  My blood sugar readings have been in the 300 to 500 range most days. After 6 years and 2 days of giving up soda I returned to drinking it and haven't given it up again.  I have gastroparesis which literally means stomach paralysis.  I'm getting ready to repeat my cardiac tests that were done 5 years ago.  My doctor needs to spread my stress test over two days because he concerned about injecting so much medicine in my at my weight. I can't get approved for weight loss surgery (I said I'd never consider this surgery but now I'm concerned I might die if something isn't done quickly so I put it on the table) because of my health issues.   My knees, legs, and feet hurt. I had to give up hiking, which I love. I can't fit into an airplane seat.  I need to buy two seats. I always pay attention to how much weight a ladder, bike, etc. There are so many things in life that I want to do that I can't do because of my health. 


This is where I'm at. Here's my plunge. Let's see how far I can go in one year.